Not Showering Alone

There is something to be said about the solace of the shower. I can't totally remember what it was like to stand in the shower for unneccessary lengths of time, but I do know this used to happen. When Chris and I first bought our condo we marveled at the always hot water and excellent water pressure. For the first time in our lives there was no one to yell at us for showering too long or taking all the hot water and we didn't even have to beware a toilet flush. If only we knew then to cherish those showers.

I now have to strategically shower before the kids get up, or when Chris is home, as the idea of having my shower time interrupted by a small person playing peek-a-boo with the shower curtain, or worrying the entire time about the disasters that could result from unattended children, is just not worth it. The solace of the shower is a thing of the past and even when the kids are safe and occupied I don't get to shower alone. The tub is a minefield of bath squirters and barbies. There is a funnel-water- wheel-type thingy that fits no where but smack dab in the middle of the tub and there is always a collection of plastic containers which blend in nicely until you step on them. Without throwing everything out of the tub to make room, shaving my legs requires gymnastic-like flexibility and most of the time it just isn't worth it (sorry, Chris). And you know what feels gross? Stepping into the shower and right onto a cold, damp facecloth or two left in the tub over night.

Dry shampoo is a mom's best friend.

First Step

I've determined that my relationship with this blog feels like that of an old friend you've lost touch with. The kind of friend you used to speak to daily but then one day too many months pass between contact and there is a level of reluctance to reach out. It's a mixture of regret and sheepishness for letting things go and having so much to say that you don't even know where to start.


Picking up where we left off would take too much time but I will tell you this: having two children, maintaining a marriage and running a business often feels like the equivalent of a marathon, every day. There are a bizillion meals that need preparing, pick ups, drop offs, boo-boos that need tending to, mountains of laundry and thousands of questions from small people that require immediate answers. Working from home means that emails, phone calls, and social media updates must be woven into an already full day and client meetings and planning happen after bedtime. I say "just a sec" more times than I should and get frustrated at the obstacles that prevent me from going in a straight line to get things done. Too often Chris and I merely pass by - he arrives home from work as I head out the door - and we both cherish the nights where get to eat dinner and watch Netflix together.

Cliche as it may be, there are never enough hours in the day to accomplish everything and somethings gotta give. That something has been this blog. I'm not saying that I'll get back to writing daily, but this is a good first step.

Just Moving Forward

There are hundreds reasons why I have more or less given up on blogging these days. There is the one year old currently climbing my leg screeching at me to pick him up, water dripping from his nose down to his knees from a recent splash in the dog's water. He has dozens of small pieces of shredded toilet paper stuck to him, and upon a closer look I can see that tiny bits of TP make a trail down the hall from the bathroom. There is the four year old who has said "Mama?" approximately 127 times since waking up this morning, asking incessantly when she can watch tv, why she cannot watch tv right now and how long it will be before she can watch tv. And if she can't watch tv, then what else can she possibly do? There is the dog who waits until the exact moment I sit down at the computer to email a client to require a water refill, then whine at the door to go out, only to bark at the door to come in and then whine at his bowl for more water.

There are the snacks, so many snacks. And breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And the cleaning up of the snacks and the breakfasts, lunches and dinners. It's no wonder I find myself existing on leftovers and bananas: no prep or clean up required. And there is laundry, mountains of it, so much that Eloise recently saw the bottom of hamper for the first time and exclaimed, "wow, I never knew there was an end!" There is a sticky residue that dusts my white kitchen cabinets and I am constantly wiping splatters of smoothie from the walls and ceiling (seriously, how did that get THERE?). And even though the dog does an excellent job catching bits during meal time, there are crumbs everywhere. Where does all the dust come from? How can it be time to clean the bathroom again? How is it possible for the glass in the front door to be that dirty? Yet I still have this unrealistic dream that my house can be company ready at all times.

Then there is my work, so much work and so little time. My inbox is constantly clogged with flagged emails requiring immediate replies but I am learning that working from home while having a mobile baby and busy child is not compatible. When they are up, they are ON and Spencer especially requires 100% of my attention. Eloise is quite capable of playing by herself but it has to be her idea which it never is when I need to get something done. There are always many questions requiring answers and things that she needs help with, right this moment. I have resigned myself to working only during naps and when both kids are finally asleep, but by the end of the day I find myself pretty burnt out. Mostly from the preparation of food.

What's missing from this rant? Me. And Chris. And Chris and me. I know these are the days I will look back on with fondness, but in the throes of motherhood I feel like I'm just moving forward.

ONE

Dear Spencer,

Today you are one making this, hands down, the quickest year I have ever experienced. The days flew by, the weeks vanished and somehow in the last few months you have grown a little each day to become more boy than baby.

You arrived in this world on Mother's Day last year at 6:46pm and I will never forget the moment Daddy said, "It's a boy," and we both cried. I was scared for your birth but it was so joyful and as soon as I held you the only feelings I had were love and excitement at this opportunity to be your mama. This year was a hectic one for me as I learned what it was to be a mom and business owner at the same time and I can't help but feel that the universe delivered you to us for a reason. You are an angel baby. Your calm, easy going nature and happy disposition from day one made the transition to a family of four so much easier. You slept, you ate, you made life more joyful.

Spency, you have brought so much happiness to Daddy and I, but even more to your sister. Eloise wished for you long before you were born and every single day it makes me smile to see the love between you. Thank you for choosing our family, we love you very much, sweet boy.

xo Mama

Never Still

that is a look of determination.

To say Spencer is busy is an understatement, he is a maniac. He crawls wildly around the house, making a b-line for anything and everything he can: the fireplace, electrical cords, the dog's water, the contents of cupboards. I feel like I say no a hundred times a day and Spencer just looks at me, smiles and continues doing what I've asked him not to. I don't know if there is enough baby proofing to prevent Spencer from getting into things. He. Never. Stops. Moving.

As busy as he is, if Spencer had his way he would be held by me constantly. I do my best to keep him occupied on the ground (and out of danger!) but within minutes he will start whining, looking for me and climbing my legs as soon as I'm near. I spend much of my day carting Spencer around, and that means carrying a quarter of my body weight on one hip while trying to do things with the other arm. And then there is his long reach - he is grabby and curious and will nearly jump out of my arms to get something he wants. My reflexes have become pretty sharp these days. 

The only time Spencer is still is before he goes to sleep. He curls his long body around me, has a bottle and then nurses to sleep. We start our days this way too, when Chris brings Spencer into bed to nurse and snuggle for a few minutes before another crazy day begins. My milk supply may not be plentiful but Spencer still wants to breastfeed and I don't think either of us are ready to give it up yet. The quiet moments are something I cherish with my busy boy.

Eleven Months

Do you know how hard it is to get a picture of mobile eleven month old boy? Nearly impossible. Spencer started crawling on April 23rd and hasn't stopped moving since. He is quick and determined and we are in big trouble.

Spencer loves to play with blocks, dismantle the play kitchen, pull his sister's hair and climb on the dog. He pulled himself up to standing on April 30th and likes sitting on his knees to reach for things. Spencer loves to clap, dance and keeps us endlessly entertained. 

Ten Months

Spencer is now ten months old, which is dangerously close to a year.

He has just cut a fifth tooth and is on the brink of crawling. He babbles constantly and his new favourite word to say is dog, which he says as "dagh," every time Granby is near.

Spencer never stops moving and wants to be held by me about 100% of the time, for which I can credit my trim arms. We call him "bam bam" for the way he bashes everything with his giant baby hands. If he can knock it over, pull it out or smash it, he will. We're in trouble.

I cherish the moments before Spencer goes to sleep, when he is still and snuggled into me. These are the only times he nurses and I love our quiet time together.

FOUR

Dear Eloise,

You were four two weeks ago and it's taken me since then to figure out how to tell you how much I love you and how proud I am to be your Mama.

It find it amazing the way you make friends wherever we go. With other children at the park you are confident and kind, and it is wonderful to watch you introduce yourself and join in on whatever game is in play. People are drawn to you and no matter where we are you strike up a conversation with friends and strangers, telling them wild stories and sharing anything and everything that comes into your head.

You love to dance and sing and we often have kitchen dance parties to everything from Disney songs to Bruno Mars and Beyonce. I love watching you move to music and am amazed by the way you can take a tune and make up a song. Your 'hip dance' never fails to make me laugh but in all seriousness, you have a natural talent for dancing that has really blossomed this year. You love your ballet class with Ruby and I can hardly wait to see you on stage this year.

While three was not without it's challenges, you taught me to be more patient. I'm sorry for being too hard on you sometimes and that I was not as empathetic as you needed. I am sorry for yelling and I know that we both benefit from taking deep breaths together when emotions run high. I appreciate what a good listener you are becoming and how easily you understand the difference between right and wrong.

Eloise, you are dazzling. Your spirit is bright, your energy is contagious and we are so proud of the little person you have become. Four is going to be a good year.

xo Mama

OMG

{Kids Right To Know}

There are so many things to worry about when you're a parent. And I can add GMOs to that list. I've known about Genetically Modified Organisms for years and have been seeking out GMO-free products when possible (labeling here in Canada is scarce) but the documentary GMO OMG was a huge eye-opener at just how widespread the GMO problem is.

Such as, did you know that 88% of the corn and 94% of the soybeans grown in the US are genetically engineered? And 85% of all processed foods include genetically engineered ingredients. Modifications in the form of "Roundup Ready" which means that the plants' genes are altered to allow them to grow, and grow quickly, even when doused with huge amounts of Roundup, an icky, Monsanto-made herbicide. The dangers of GMOs are largely unknown, and much of the testing done on the seeds has been completed by Monsanto itself and not released to the public. That's pretty shady.

60 countries around the world label GMOs, but not Canada or the US. Here are a few ways we can avoid GMO foods as much as possible:

• Look for "GMO-Free" labels. Companies such as Silk, who make my fave Almond Milk & Soy Creamer, are certified GMO-free by the Non-GMO Project. Check them out to find more products.
• Buy organic! In order to be certified organic seeds cannot be genetically engineered.
• Buying sugar? Rogers Sugar refined in Vancouver is made from sugar cane, which has not been genetically modified. Refined sugar is also made from sugar beets, 95% of which are genetically engineered. When you buy sugar look for the product code starting with 10.

Want to know more? Kids Right to Know is an excellent resource.

Nine Months

It's been pretty quiet around here. Work is busier, kids are busier and that makes for one tired mama who uses spare time for fun things like housework and meal prep. The joys!

Spency, you were officially nine months old 27 days ago so to say I'm a little late to the party is laughable, but that's just the kind of month it's been. Let's see, at nine months you:

• Figured out how to go from sitting to lying down and rolling front to back to grab whatever you can. No crawling yet, but you're not far from it.
• Cut your second top tooth. Finally.
• Started clapping!
• Give Eskimo kisses.
• Began babbling words - Lala for Eloise, Mama, Dada and Dog. Mama is often whined at me in desperation, so we know that one is for real.
• Really developed your personality. You are still the calmest, happiest baby, but we've also learned you are determined, goofy and just a little defiant. Biting is not nice buddy, even if you think it's hilarious when we tell you no!
• Haven't let us down in the love of food department. Your favourites are yogurt, yams, apples, toast and oatmeal. You do not like chicken or avocado.
• Never. Stop. Moving.

8 Months

Before the month is through I thought I should post Spencer's eighth month update. Only three weeks late. 

I know I keep saying this, but time feels like it's going so quickly with Spencer. He continues to be the happiest, calmest, most easy going little dude. He sits very sturdily now and loves playing with blocks and balls on his own (and Eloise's doll, Baby Emma, but shh, don't tell her!). He puts everything in his mouth and has finally cut a top tooth. He loves eating fruit and veggie purées, chicken, plain yogurt and buttered toast. 

Spencer gets excited when he sees me which makes me melt and gives big, sloppy kisses. He also does a little happy dance we call disco wrists where he makes his mouth into an 'o' or laughs hysterically while rolling his wrists excitedly. It's hilarious. 

I wish I could tell you definitively how much Spencer weighs but I can't. It's just a lot. Like probably more than Eloise, which my biceps both curse and thank him for.

It's Called a Birthday Week

To say my birthday was good would be a gross understatement. It was fricken fantastic.

Chris blew me away with a day of surprises on my actual birthday. He arranged for me to have a massage in the afternoon then took me for dinner at one of my favourite restaurants, Blue Water. We stayed downtown for the night and when I woke up I honestly didn't know where I was. The sun was shining and you could here the hustle of a busy downtown weekday, it felt like we had teleported away on vacation. We read the paper in bed and drank coffee while it was still hot then walked to brunch at our leisure and spent the rest of the day shopping. Chris was so patient and generous and let me choose the most gorgeous new purse. The 24 hours we spent kicking off my 30s seemed like a dream. 

The rest of the week was spent on party prep for my Clueless/90s themed birthday celebration. Considering tat I can no longer do things small scale - otherwise known as the curse of the event planner - I am actually proud of how I kept the decor at a manageable level. Some signs, candy bar labels, a little glitter and a few last minute crafts were the sum total and Chris and my mom handled food and drinks. The party turned out beautifully but the best part was all the effort my friends put into their costumes. They were fabulous! I went as Cher from Clueless, of course, and finally got to wear my yellow plaid Partyskirt bought months ago especially for this occasion. Friends came as Courtney Love & Kurt Cobain, The Spice Girls, Kriss Kross and even Mrs. Doubtfire. The prizes were well deserved. 

We ate, we drank, we danced, we stayed up til 3am and then felt like parents all over again with a 6:45 wake up call. The hangover was well worth it though and I spent the first Sunday of my 30s with my best friend, Lanny, recovering in pjs, eating chips and gabbing for hours. It was a perfect introduction to what is sure to be my best decade yet. 

Hey 30

It was dinnertime before it dawned on me that today was the final day of my 20s. I worked all day with Devon, hung with the kids, did several loads of laundry, prepped dinner as usual and was just sitting down to feed Eloise and Spencer when I received a text from a friend asking what I was doing to celebrate the final eve of my 20s. Well, absolutely nothing. So I poured a big glass of wine, cheersed Eloise and continued on with the evening.

Ah, 30. The past 10 years have been pretty flippin amazing and it's because of this that I am feeling okay about turning 30. Mostly. I do resent that age is responsible for the appearance of wrinkles, finding the odd *ahem* white hair and having to wear glasses to see distance, but these things were bound to happen. I am not pleased that my hangovers last doubly as long and that it is no longer appropriate to wear crop tops, yet I promise to embrace the changes that 30 brings anyway. Even though I'm still a bit miffed about the crop tops.

The thing that gets me about 30 is that it just sounds so grown up. I realize that I have been married for five years, have two children, own a business, blah blah blah, but there is something about being in your 20s that allows you to get away without being a full adult adult. Right? Or maybe I have just been telling myself that. 20 is so long ago now that when I go out with my friends we have become the 'older women' to a group of newly legal 19 year olds. Who were born in 1996, for the record.

One of my brother's hip friends (I'm not allowed to call them 'hipsters', it's not cool) told me that 30 is the new 24. Ya, I'm pretty sure Jay Z said 30 is the new 20, but I'll take it as a compliment anyway. 

Training

You know how they say that training a dog is actually more about training the human? I feel like this same idea applies to Eloise and sleep. Not that Eloise is anything like a dog, it's just a similar scenario.

We are now just two stickers away from a full sleep chart and all it took was for Chris and I to train ourselves not to give in. It seems so silly now that we've been struggling with Eloise and sleep for as long as we have when all it took was perseverance. Eloise still occasionally wakes up but I just walk her back to bed and give her a kiss and that's it. Or I she wakes up mid-dream and puts herself back to sleep. It's remarkable and kind of ridiculous all at the same time how simple it is.


In other news I was only up with Spencer once last night, so perhaps his sleep regression this week was just a minor blip and we can get back to normal, whatever that is.

Shall We Downton?

{road to avonlea}

When I was a little girl my favourite, favourite television show was Road to Avonlea. It was MY show and on Sunday at 7pm it didn't matter if we were in the middle of dinner, there was a hockey game on, or even if I was in the middle of homework, when Road to Avonlea aired it was sacred time. Remember, this was pre-PVR so if you missed it, you missed it.

I still think that Road to Avonlea is one of the best tv shows ever created, certainly the best Canadian (hello, three Emmys!), and I watch the reruns whenever I can find them. I feel a strange sort of nostalgia for the show and if we do have any more children, Felix and Cecily will be on my list of baby names once again (I mean, Felix Wilkinson, could that be any cuter?).

{downton abbey}

Road to Avonlea was the beginning of my affection for historical fiction and Downton Abbey is my current obsession. I can't get enough! The story is engaging and mysterious, the scenery and costumes beautiful, and the acting is excellent. Downton Abbey season 5 started last night and once again, I'm totally hooked and eager to see what happens next (WHO will Lady Mary choose?). Lord help those who feel inclined to share spoilers, I can't even watch the season preview or read the episode synopsis, just like my Road to Avonlea, this is the kind of show that deserves to be savoured.