So basically, it's like I've been in labour for two full days now.
Yesterday I was to be at the hospital for 2pm, bags packed and expect surgery that evening. Nothing. Today my surgery was scheduled for 8am so we were up and out the door before seven to check in and prepare. By 11 o'clock I still waiting to meet with the obstetrician who would be doing my caesarean section but was fully prepped, with Chris and my midwife Jill dressed in scrubs, sitting in a bed in the Labour & Delivery ward. Then nothing.
A nurse came in shortly after this with dry toast and water as I had been preparing for surgery with an empty stomach since last night. The news was that my C-section would not be until late this evening or at the very least midnight. Once we finally had a consultation with the doctor she agreed it best that I head off for a few hours on a discharge pass, then I got the call that things would not happen until tomorrow. I have been bumped off the OR list by emergency surgeries for two days.
For two days now I have been psyching myself up for what I consider a scary operation with an exciting result only to find out that it is not yet happening. The OB even offered to attempt an ECV today so I could try for VBAC but I declined. This baby flipped late in pregnancy, I am already uncomfortable and I don't know if waiting to go into labour naturally at 39 weeks would do me any good anymore, especially with the risk of the baby flipping back and the chance of a C-section anyway if labour doesn't start naturally by next week. As much as I did not want another C-section I am mentally ready for it. I am exhausted from the emotional roller coaster of the past few days and I feel really guilty for wasting two days without Eloise, especially after we keep telling her that the next time we see her she will have a baby brother or sister.
Chris and I left the hospital around Noon. We went for lunch, I came home and took a three hour nap, did some laundry (a task I am finding oddly therapeutic these days) and am just now ready to face my family so we can have a nice dinner together. It could be our last family meal before we bring home our new baby, but who knows, that was the plan last night. I give up, pass the wine.