Just Moving Forward

There are hundreds reasons why I have more or less given up on blogging these days. There is the one year old currently climbing my leg screeching at me to pick him up, water dripping from his nose down to his knees from a recent splash in the dog's water. He has dozens of small pieces of shredded toilet paper stuck to him, and upon a closer look I can see that tiny bits of TP make a trail down the hall from the bathroom. There is the four year old who has said "Mama?" approximately 127 times since waking up this morning, asking incessantly when she can watch tv, why she cannot watch tv right now and how long it will be before she can watch tv. And if she can't watch tv, then what else can she possibly do? There is the dog who waits until the exact moment I sit down at the computer to email a client to require a water refill, then whine at the door to go out, only to bark at the door to come in and then whine at his bowl for more water.

There are the snacks, so many snacks. And breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And the cleaning up of the snacks and the breakfasts, lunches and dinners. It's no wonder I find myself existing on leftovers and bananas: no prep or clean up required. And there is laundry, mountains of it, so much that Eloise recently saw the bottom of hamper for the first time and exclaimed, "wow, I never knew there was an end!" There is a sticky residue that dusts my white kitchen cabinets and I am constantly wiping splatters of smoothie from the walls and ceiling (seriously, how did that get THERE?). And even though the dog does an excellent job catching bits during meal time, there are crumbs everywhere. Where does all the dust come from? How can it be time to clean the bathroom again? How is it possible for the glass in the front door to be that dirty? Yet I still have this unrealistic dream that my house can be company ready at all times.

Then there is my work, so much work and so little time. My inbox is constantly clogged with flagged emails requiring immediate replies but I am learning that working from home while having a mobile baby and busy child is not compatible. When they are up, they are ON and Spencer especially requires 100% of my attention. Eloise is quite capable of playing by herself but it has to be her idea which it never is when I need to get something done. There are always many questions requiring answers and things that she needs help with, right this moment. I have resigned myself to working only during naps and when both kids are finally asleep, but by the end of the day I find myself pretty burnt out. Mostly from the preparation of food.

What's missing from this rant? Me. And Chris. And Chris and me. I know these are the days I will look back on with fondness, but in the throes of motherhood I feel like I'm just moving forward.