It's Called a Birthday Week

To say my birthday was good would be a gross understatement. It was fricken fantastic.

Chris blew me away with a day of surprises on my actual birthday. He arranged for me to have a massage in the afternoon then took me for dinner at one of my favourite restaurants, Blue Water. We stayed downtown for the night and when I woke up I honestly didn't know where I was. The sun was shining and you could here the hustle of a busy downtown weekday, it felt like we had teleported away on vacation. We read the paper in bed and drank coffee while it was still hot then walked to brunch at our leisure and spent the rest of the day shopping. Chris was so patient and generous and let me choose the most gorgeous new purse. The 24 hours we spent kicking off my 30s seemed like a dream. 

The rest of the week was spent on party prep for my Clueless/90s themed birthday celebration. Considering tat I can no longer do things small scale - otherwise known as the curse of the event planner - I am actually proud of how I kept the decor at a manageable level. Some signs, candy bar labels, a little glitter and a few last minute crafts were the sum total and Chris and my mom handled food and drinks. The party turned out beautifully but the best part was all the effort my friends put into their costumes. They were fabulous! I went as Cher from Clueless, of course, and finally got to wear my yellow plaid Partyskirt bought months ago especially for this occasion. Friends came as Courtney Love & Kurt Cobain, The Spice Girls, Kriss Kross and even Mrs. Doubtfire. The prizes were well deserved. 

We ate, we drank, we danced, we stayed up til 3am and then felt like parents all over again with a 6:45 wake up call. The hangover was well worth it though and I spent the first Sunday of my 30s with my best friend, Lanny, recovering in pjs, eating chips and gabbing for hours. It was a perfect introduction to what is sure to be my best decade yet. 

Hey 30

It was dinnertime before it dawned on me that today was the final day of my 20s. I worked all day with Devon, hung with the kids, did several loads of laundry, prepped dinner as usual and was just sitting down to feed Eloise and Spencer when I received a text from a friend asking what I was doing to celebrate the final eve of my 20s. Well, absolutely nothing. So I poured a big glass of wine, cheersed Eloise and continued on with the evening.

Ah, 30. The past 10 years have been pretty flippin amazing and it's because of this that I am feeling okay about turning 30. Mostly. I do resent that age is responsible for the appearance of wrinkles, finding the odd *ahem* white hair and having to wear glasses to see distance, but these things were bound to happen. I am not pleased that my hangovers last doubly as long and that it is no longer appropriate to wear crop tops, yet I promise to embrace the changes that 30 brings anyway. Even though I'm still a bit miffed about the crop tops.

The thing that gets me about 30 is that it just sounds so grown up. I realize that I have been married for five years, have two children, own a business, blah blah blah, but there is something about being in your 20s that allows you to get away without being a full adult adult. Right? Or maybe I have just been telling myself that. 20 is so long ago now that when I go out with my friends we have become the 'older women' to a group of newly legal 19 year olds. Who were born in 1996, for the record.

One of my brother's hip friends (I'm not allowed to call them 'hipsters', it's not cool) told me that 30 is the new 24. Ya, I'm pretty sure Jay Z said 30 is the new 20, but I'll take it as a compliment anyway. 

Shall We Downton?

{road to avonlea}

When I was a little girl my favourite, favourite television show was Road to Avonlea. It was MY show and on Sunday at 7pm it didn't matter if we were in the middle of dinner, there was a hockey game on, or even if I was in the middle of homework, when Road to Avonlea aired it was sacred time. Remember, this was pre-PVR so if you missed it, you missed it.

I still think that Road to Avonlea is one of the best tv shows ever created, certainly the best Canadian (hello, three Emmys!), and I watch the reruns whenever I can find them. I feel a strange sort of nostalgia for the show and if we do have any more children, Felix and Cecily will be on my list of baby names once again (I mean, Felix Wilkinson, could that be any cuter?).

{downton abbey}

Road to Avonlea was the beginning of my affection for historical fiction and Downton Abbey is my current obsession. I can't get enough! The story is engaging and mysterious, the scenery and costumes beautiful, and the acting is excellent. Downton Abbey season 5 started last night and once again, I'm totally hooked and eager to see what happens next (WHO will Lady Mary choose?). Lord help those who feel inclined to share spoilers, I can't even watch the season preview or read the episode synopsis, just like my Road to Avonlea, this is the kind of show that deserves to be savoured.

Oh Hey

It's been six weeks since my last post and not for lack of anything but time. I've thought of writing every day since and tried to carve out time to do so, yet here I am. With wedding season slowing down my busyness is supposed to too, but it still hasn't happened (which is actually a good thing since it means business is going well!). Eloise and Spencer both require so much everyday and I am learning that it is quite unsustainable to work and care for young kids simultaneously. I can get in a few minutes of work here and there but it is a wonder if I get through all of my work emails before 10pm. 

As I write this I am sitting at the foot of Eloise's bed, nursing Spencer. She is making a conscious effort to sleep in her bed all night tonight and so far we've been in to soothe her four times. She is trying though and goes right back to bed when we ask, it's just getting her to stay that way. Spencer is teething so he has been up three times since seven o'clock. A dose of Tylenol and some milk and my fingers are crossed that at least now he will sleep til morning. 

The reality is that this is the time I have to blog right now now. In the dark, at 1:30 in the morning, half awake. Oh hey. 

WAHM

When I was pregnant the question was often, "How are you going to do it when the baby comes?"

The "it" was work as much as I do and care for my children simultaneously and I said I didn't know, it would just work out. And it has, mostly. If I didn't love what I do so much I wouldn't be able to keep going the way that I do. I love knowing that I have a hand in one of the most important days in someone's life. I love being there when my clients create memories and I feel fortunate that I can put my creativity to good use. When I am not at home I never worry about Eloise and Spencer. I often feel guilty for leaving them so much and that my work takes up time that we should have together, but I never worry. My parents are dream caregivers and Chris is an exceptional Dad. In fact, Chris handles caring for both kids so well that at my last wedding he sent me a photo of Eloise in the bath, Spencer bathed and in bed. It was 6:56pm. I'm lucky if I get Eloise down by 8:30pm when I'm on my own.

The biggest struggle, I am finding, comes with the day to day. I am struggling to figure out the best way to handle endless emails, field phone calls and work on projects for clients while keeping both kids entertained, making sure everyone is fed and staying ahead of the housework. I never seem to accomplish it all in a day and if I don't write down what I need to do it doesn't happen. An entire conversation or idea gone - poof! - unless it's on paper.

What I am trying to do now, as a WAHM (that's Work at Home Mom), is not easy. My 'office' is in the middle of the living room which means shutting myself off to the needs of my children or only working when they are asleep or with my parents. My Mom & Dad often offer to help with the kids before I even have to ask, but I still run around like a crazy person trying to get it all done. These days I never sit down unless it is for the purpose of feeding Spencer or working on the computer, if I am up from my desk there is something to be done around the house. Phone calls are an opportunity to fold laundry.   

Last Saturday I took on my biggest wedding to date, doing all of the planning and handling all of the decor. I handmade each sign, every piece of stationery, picked up every decor item and assembled a team to set it all up. It was a lot to take on and in the week leading up to the wedding Chris was in Toronto where he was the best man in another wedding. I spent several late nights working on seating plans, making place cards and hand lettering chalkboard signs, scared that I could not complete everything during the day with both kids underfoot. My parents assisted a lot with Eloise and Spencer and it all worked out (of course), but a crazy few weeks and made me consider what I can do to make life easier on myself. For the sake of my family it might be time to hire in a little help.

Oh Hay

Blog posts have been rather light lately and you know why? Because I am so freaking busy. I am so busy with these little ones and this wedding season that I actually shouldn't be blogging right now, I should be cutting out escort cards and painting a chalkboard sign now that everyone is asleep. But you know what, I needed a breather tonight. Today felt like I was running and couldn't catch a break. I didn't get out of my pajamas until 2:30pm and the only reason I showered was because I had to go downtown to meet clients. I did manage to get a fair bit done today, without plunking Eloise in front of the tv even (yay me?), but my to-do list is still miles long. Oh, and we're going 'camping' this weekend which I am equal parts looking forward to and feeling guilty about when there is so much prep still required for my next wedding. Also, there is packing and I don't even know what one packs to go camping let alone camping with two young children. Roughing it has never really been my thing.

This summer has flown by and I am still struggling to find a balance between mom time and work time. It all just kinda bleeds into one and I have been up more nights than I care to think of until 2am working just to fit it all in. Thankfully Chris handles Spencer's nighttime feed (like the rockstar Dad that he is) in order to make sure I sleep, but it is still exhausting and I'm not sure if super late nights are even the answer to making it work. But then again, who knows if there is an answer.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I love being a mom to these babies and I really love doing what I do with Smitten, it's just overwhelming to do all the things that I need to and the things that I want to at the same time. It's my busy season so I know that the Fall will be different but it's hard to see the end of the tunnel when our next free weekend is not until October 11th. If I just keep moving forward it will all work out. Right?

Relax

I am not very good at sitting still, I like to multitask and have become very accustomed to every day being a full day. I'm actually not sure when or how this became 'my way' but I am now so used to doing everything at once that it's taken a stern talking to by my midwife to help me realize that now is the time to relax. "No more work and no more stress," was her message yesterday and this time I heard it loud and clear. I am to rest at home, call on more help with Eloise, and take naps while Baby Two keeps growing for a few more weeks.

Naturally, I find slowing down is easier said than done. Even as I tried to nap this afternoon I found it hard to turn my brain fully off. As I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable (also not easy) all I could concentrate on was what to do about the double-wide tower of shoe boxes lining our window ledge... I did eventually fall asleep for a good hour but it took a while to get me there. If it wasn't for my parents' continuous assistance with Eloise and persistence when it comes to me taking a nap in the afternoons it wouldn't happen. Perhaps my real problem comes with relinquishing control and asking for help but I am realizing that now is the time to do so. This is the calm before the storm and if I have just a few more weeks left to relax I'd better enjoy it.

Still Relevant

 

All the tidying and organizing I've been doing has uncovered a few forgotten gems, one of my favourites being an issue of Blueprint Magazine from 2008. Ridiculous that someone who recycles everything would hang onto a six year old, discontinued magazine, but having another read through reminded me why: Blueprint was awesome!

Blueprint was clearly beyond its time - a good explanation for why it only lasted for eight issues - and I find it pretty amazing that the content is still so relevant. Home decor, fashion, DIY, food and beauty, Blueprint was the perfect lifestyle magazine for the modern woman and it's such a shame that it is no longer around. I certainly won't be parting with my copy any time soon.

Every Day I'm Hustlin'

{designs by maria}

Until last week I cared for Eloise, kept up with my growing business, ran a tight ship around the house, looked after another (very) busy child, met with clients, took on creative projects and even managed to fit in work outs. Everyday I was hustling.

Last week marked the first in a long time that I've woken up without feeling mildly panicked at how to accomplish everything I need/want to in a day. I didn't rush anywhere or get flustered, I wasn't frustrated, didn't yell or lose my patience. Last week I took it slow, really enjoyed my time with Eloise, caught up with friends and worked, all quite seamlessly. With the Baby in a head down position now (or so we hope) I have been advised to stop working out in the hopes of maintaining this optimal position for delivery. My midwife has actually demanded that I become a 'couch potato' but walks on the sea wall are still permitted. That I can do.

More time has allowed me to take a good look at what my hustle has accomplished since Smitten officially launched in November. I can also see the reason this pregnancy has been so challenging - I have not had, nor taken, the time to slow down. Shifting my focus to my family and Smitten means that things are changing for the better, even if I will still be a tired, grumpy pregnant lady for a few more weeks (at which point I become a tired, but happy, new mom of two). 

If I've learned anything in the last several months it's that there is no slowing me down, eight months pregnant or not. Here's a snippet of some serious Smitten hustle:

We produced a New Year's Eve wedding creative.

Planned a romantic wedding proposal.

Created the decor and styled a Star Wars themed Baby Shower.

Designed a Bat Mitzvah candy bar, complete with a marquee 'L'.

Showcased a table with our favourite 2014 Pantone colours, Dazzling Blue & Cayenne.

And put together the best birthday party these eight year olds will ever attend.

Me at 29 Weeks

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of modeling for a photographer I love to work with, Christie Graham. Christie had asked me months ago if she could do a maternity boudoir shoot with me for hopeful publication and I had no reason but to say yes. Her work is spectacular - so ethereal and clean - and her plan to photograph the shoot with film was pretty special.

As planners do, Devon and I decided to make more of a thing out of this little shoot and pulled together some of our favourite vendors (aka Celsia Floral & Denise Elliott Makeup Artistry) as well as an amazing lingerie contributor. Eloise took part in the shoot too and although I haven't seen all of the photos, the sneak peek Christie shared is pretty darn gorgeous, if I do say so myself (I do).

What a beautiful memento of me at 29 weeks.

My Final Day

Today marks the last day of my time looking after Molly, a little girl who has become like a daughter to me since I started caring for her when she was not much older than Eloise. Molly just celebrated her eighth birthday (with a party planned by Smitten, of course!) and as we near closer to welcoming our new baby the time has come for me to move on. Eloise is going to miss seeing Molly, her 'bonus' big sister, at least twice a week, but I know we will always be a part of each others lives. The need for me to shift the focus to my family and business has been building for a long while now but it's been really hard to actually say goodbye to a child I love so much. 

The end of my days with Molly comes at a good time in my pregnancy. I'm now 31 weeks pregnant, super uncomfortable and starting to feel anxious about this baby's arrival. Upon reaching week 30 the panic of getting organized started to set in. Panic might be a little drastic a word, but I am reminded that when Eloise was born at 36 weeks we were pretty unprepared. We had a car seat, but it's not like we bothered to bring it with us to the hospital, I didn't even bring a bra! This time around the hospital bag for baby and me will be packed and ready to go with time to spare (is next week too soon?). I am gearing up to complete a long list of baby-related tasks and this weekend we will finally start to work on converting Eloise's room into a space for two. So that's progress!

It may take some time to get used to afternoons free from school pick up and dance class, play dates and errands for someone else's family, but I know I am going to relish in my time to do things just for us (like nap!) while I can.  Life is about to get a whole lot busier. 

Another Year

Today marks the beginning of 29 and I have officially entered the final year of my 20s. It's been a good run and a lot of fun, but I'm not into looking back right now.

Like I mentioned in my New Years post, the past year was good to me. New beginnings, some momentous personal leaps and huge changes, but I have a feeling that my 29th year is going to be even more exciting. Come spring we will have a new baby and this summer is shaping up to be our busiest wedding season yet. It's going to be madness, but I can't wait.

Plus, 29 puts me one year closer to finally throwing myself the kind of party I plan for my clients and family. I'm thinking full-on, over the top theme rager. I'm ready to start planning now!

An Ode to Sandwiches

{pinterest}

When I was pregnant with Eloise all I wanted to eat was Olympic Organic vanilla yogurt. I would wake up in the middle of the night to eat it right out of the container and for months we were going through a few kilograms of yogurt every week. I must have OD'd because now I'm just not into the stuff.

This time around I can't get enough sandwiches. I'm eating one for lunch every day and often a sandwich is all I want for dinner too. Toasted with avocado and cheese, stuffed with sprouts, tomato and lots of mayo, a bocconcini, arugula and tomato panini, or simple peanut butter and jelly, give me good bread, yummy fillings and I'm a happy lady. Oh and cheese, cheese is a big thing for me these days.

I wouldn't call my affinity for sandwiches a craving so much as a necessity. I am terribly hungry most of the time and I continuously tell myself that at least eating a sandwich covers most of the food group basics - bread is a grain product, cheese a milk & alternative, avocado, tomato and lettuce make up the fruit & veg portion, and mayonnaise is an oil & fat - I might be missing meat & alternatives, but cheese is a good protein too, right?

For me pregnancy food is more than just ice cream and pickles.

Hello, 2014

{pinterest}

2013 was a great year for me. I became a partner in a business I love, watched my baby become a little girl and learned that our family would be expanding. 2014 promises to be even more exciting with the growth of said business, the birth of said baby and many more milestones for Eloise and our family.

What I want for the year ahead, more than anything, is balance. I don't know if this will be something I have to learn, but it is certainly something I will have to work at. Finding more balance to me means everything outside of work and motherhood; it means more time for Chris and I as two, more time for my girlfriends and also importantly, more time for me. I know finding balance isn't going to be easy with the demands of a successful business, a young child and a new baby, but I am up for the challenge.

2014, I'm ready for you.

You Came Back!

My trip to Toronto was wonderful. I was not responsible to anyone but myself and enjoyed a week of me time exploring my home-away-from-home city. I walked around discovering the changes that have occurred in Toronto since last year (more condos, more hipsters), reconnected with friends and felt very fortunate to be a part of Kelly and Mike's wedding. My week away from home was totally indulgent and I'm still recovering from too much to eat, too much to drink and not enough sleep; but it was so, so fun.

It's always bittersweet leaving Toronto. I really do love living in Vancouver but Chris and I have such an amazing network of friends in Toronto that my heartstrings always pull a little as I board the plane. Save for what I consider to be the worst plane ride I've had to date - a body odor propelling, flatulent seat mate, turbulence, a screaming, seat kicking toddler and his vomitting sister - my welcome home was absolutely worth the struggle. As soon as Eloise spotted me in the baggage terminal she leaped out of my Dad's arms and screamed, "Mama, you back! You came back! Oh Mama, I missed you." It was impossible not to have a few tears as she enveloped me in a full body hug and covered me in kisses.

Here are a few highlights from my trip, in photos...

Exquisite mid-day macarons & Perrier with Becky at Nadege on Queen West.

Roof-top dinner overlooking the city with Becky & Laura.

Live music at The Orbit Room with Kel.

Easily the most beautiful coffee shop in Toronto, Dineen Coffee.

Hanging with these ladies at the rehearsal dinner.

The loveliest bride, Kelly.

Alone in TO

There is something perfunctory about arriving at the airport, heading straight to my gate and rewarding myself for having enough time not to run while they call my name (it's happened more than once) with a coffee and a magazine. Only this time I didn't learn that my far away gate was without a Starbucks or newsstand until I arrived. So I booked it back to gate A and while I chose to forgo coffee - I'm looking forward to a complimentary bottle of bubbly on board - I did pick up the September InStyle (love September issues). 

I should mention that I'll be enjoying a post-bubbles airplane nap alone. Actually, I'll be alone for a whole week in Toronto. I am heading out for my dear friend and university roommate Kelly's wedding and will be exploring my home away from home city solo for the first time in six years. 

What I love most about summer in Toronto is walking. The weather is hot and usually muggy, but so long as you break for iced coffee, stop in for an air-conditioned tour of the AGO, and refuel with a patio lunch before heading back outside, you're alright. I'm undeniably excited for the wedding festivities starting on Wednesday, but I also can't wait to be completely self sufficient. I already miss Chris and Eloise, but a break from nap and bedtime routines, kid-centred activities and relentless meal prep means I can do whatever, whenever. I can actually go out and stay out all night if I wanted (and I just might)! There is a Christian Louboutin exhibit on at The Design Exchange I want to see, I haven't been vintage shopping in Kensington Market since I graduated University, I want to go to my favourite ribbon and button stores (I really know how to have a good time) and best of all, I'm looking forward to spending quality time with girlfriends I only get to see once a year. 

I've been waiting at the gate since 9:30 but as soon as I pop the cork on my on-board bubbly, my vacation officially begins. 

It Was All a Dream

Friday was my 10 year high school reunion and it was truly a surreal experience. 140 odd classmates (out of a whopping 550) showed up, so I'd say the turn out was pretty great. The planning started nearly a year ago but with poor ticket sales up until early last week, I honestly didn't think we were going to pull it off. I crafted fun "West Van High" themed decor items - striped straws with plaid flags, signs, plaid pennants and Class of 2003 bunting - and organized all of the details, but without knowing what the turn out would be, the pressure was on.

Thankfully, my worrying was for nothing. By the time the doors opened at 8pm all was set for what turned out to be a great night. I still can't believe it's been 10 whole years, and although Facebook has ruined the suspense of, "What have you been doing all this time?!" it was still exciting to see everyone in person. How cute is the photo above with my still-besties Lanny & Di? Together, with our missing BFF Linds, we have been inseparable since grade 10. 

My brother DJ'd for us, playing mostly 90's and 2000's hip hop (my fave) and the dance floor was full the moment he dropped Notorious BIG's "Juicy". For some reason this song was an anthem for our grad class and after all this time the opening lyrics "It Was All a Dream" rang true. On Friday night 10 years ago certainly seemed that way.

PS. I crafted this canvas for Eloise's room last week. My Mom thought it was from a fairy tale, but this too is a nod to Biggy. 

Mid-Season Blues

I was up in Harrison Hot Springs for a wedding this weekend, but just as an Assistant. It had been a long week and my partner Devon insisted I come up to help for the evening, but only after I spent the day poolside (she sure knows how to drive a hard bargain). I even went to the gym in the morning, without the guilt of relying on my parents for childcare, putting off work or ignoring the housekeeping. It was only a few hours of solitude, but I can't express just how fantastic it was to be on my own. I read halfway through Revenge Wears Prada, finished the newest issues of US Weekly and listened to my favourite kind of playlist of Jay Z, Drake, A Tribe Called Quest, Kendrick Lamar, Beyonce (and just a little Katy Perry) all while working on my tan.  

Molly is back from her family vacation now so I am back to juggling her schedule with ours. Getting Eloise and me up, fed, dressed and out of the house for the day is not so simple when mornings still require a good amount of time at the computer answering to clients. My house is a nightmare, Chris is neglected and a dozen more weddings to go this year lead to what Devon calls the mid-season blues. 

But will you have a look at Eloise and Molly on their first day back together? 

That's some pretty sweet sisterly love and I'm thankful to give them this time together, even if I am completely worn out. 

Purse Purge

It's my busy season for weddings so it's only natural that my purse gets weighed down with all sorts of random stuff. It also must be symptomatic of being a mom as I can recall my Mom pulling some pretty weird goodies of our her bag when we were young. You never knew when you need to hand a grouchy kid a juice box, right?

After reaching into the bottom of my purse to search for lost keys the other night I came out with a handful of crumbs, two pieces of loose gum, a broken bobby pin and no keys. A purse full of crumbs pretty much says it's time for a full fledged purse purge and here's what I found when I emptied it out:

Two pairs of sunglasses, a makeup kit, a sewing kit, 3 reusable shopping bags, a change purse, my wallet, 1 plastic spoon, a small silver wand, business card holder, my company name tag, a pack of gum, a bag of zip ties, hand cream, two packs of expired bunny gummies, 1 note book, iPhone head phones, a phone charger, 3 hair elastics, 3 bobby pins, a rainbow hair clip, a Peppermint Patty, 1 pack of raw sugar, 2 Band-aids, 2 stamped and addressed letters, 1 chit for the shoe repair shop, and a pile of random receipts.

It's no wonder the thing weighs 10 pounds.

10 Years Later

Last Friday marked the official start to summer, all the kids will be out by tomorrow and it's been 10 whole years since my last days in high school. It's grad season too, so hoards of dressed up 18 year olds are traipsing around the city and all I can think is 'Am I really a full decade older than they are?' That went by really fast.

My Mom asked the other day - when I was clearly exhausted and out of patience (Moms just know) - if sometimes I wished I could go back to being a kid. Are you kidding? Of course. Back when responsibilities involved unloading the dishwasher, doing my homework, getting to dance class on time and hanging out with friends? Sure, I'll take that.

Cupcake pink for Grad, of course.

You know how when you're young and adults are always reminding you not to grow up too fast? You ignore them (teenagers obviously know better) but what you don't realize then is that one day YOU will be the adult, maybe before you know it. Real responsibility has a way of creeping up and sometimes I just don't want to go to work or clean the house or pay bills or constantly worry about keeping another human being alive. It would be nice if the end of June meant fun for two whole months again.

I will admit I have achieved everything I set out to achieve in the last 10 years (a beautiful child, an amazing husband, a career I LOVE) but then I've always been a goal setter. What I didn't know is that 10 years later I would still feel slightly caught between being the adult and being the child. I thought I'd feel like a grown up when I bought a condo, when I got married, especially when I became a mom, but honestly, I'm still waiting for the feeling to really sink in. I do all the things that grown ups do, but I don't quite feel like I've got it all figured out the way I thought it would. I still rely on my parents, make mistakes and honestly, most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm having a Britney moment, minus those pants.